I had every intention of writing an update immediately after my second EFT session, it went really well and I got so much insight out of it. But, at the end of the day I felt exhausted and had a headache. I think in part due to all of the emotions and memories that were worked on, it felt like an overwhelming of my senses. However, since I am committed to the therapy, I worked the EFT on the feeling of exhaustion and the headache and I did get something out if it.
The technique has been amazing. One of the things that we explored was the pain in my neck. I expressed that "I am my own pain in the neck" and that the pain stems from my perfectionist tendencies. WOW! As we continued to explore this, I began feeling a tightness in my chest that I related to oppression and feeling overwhelmed at home. I made the connection that because I'm a perfectionist and set high standards for myself I expressed, "I bite off more than I can chew". WHOA! The possibilities in these statements: I've subjected myself to stress and medical issues and have been gaining weight over the years becuase I have taken on more than I can handle due to my own perfectionistic ideas stemming from cognitive distortions learned in childhood!
I also recalled a memory of being 10 years old, in school, waiting in line after lunch to go back to classroom. I was chewing on a straw and the girl in front of me accidentally bumped in to me. The straw became lodge in the back of my mouth where the molars are. I had to pull the straw out and it started bleeding a lot. I was also in a LOT of pain. But, for whatever reason, I didn't tell anyone because I thought I would get in trouble. So I just swallowed the blood, and the pain all day long. I also did not cry, because if I cried someone would ask me what was wrong and that would call attention. So I just kept swallowing the blood and the pain. I clenched my fists and was sweating cold, I couldn't think and was tense all day long and it kept throbbing. I remember getting home and going to the bathroom to rinse my mouth hoping the bleeding would stop. It didn't stop bleeding for a while and it kept throbbing for a while, but I still didn't tell anyone I was hurt, not even my mother.
Why would I think I was in trouble? It was an accident? I hadn't done anything wrong and it wouldn't have gotten anyone in trouble, so why not ask for help?
Just in that memory I gained insight into the ways that I thought I had to keep my pain hidden, suffer in silence, thought that voicing my needs would "get me in trouble" (the dramatic, hysterical woman), thought that my needs were not important, swallowed my pain (eating for comfort), and so many other things! It was so enlightening and liberating! No wonder I need acid reflux surgery, all of this feelings want to come up! No wonder I have a hiatal hernia, my stomach is full of suppressed feeling and they're about to burst out! The sour, acidic feelings that have been festering for years, have been eroding and eating their way up my esophagus even damaging my vocal chords! WOW that's powerful!
The best part is, now that I have this tool I can use to gain access to other areas that need to be addressed, hopefully before anymore damage is done to my body...and any more surgery is needed!
Now, I'm not saying that EFT, or any other therapy, is reason to ignore medical advice. Therapy, is another tool in the tool box that can be used to help manage emotional aspects of living with an organic disease. I have chosen to combine EFT and Counseling to manage pain, depression and anxiety related to Ehlers-Danlos Type III, Hypermobility Syndrome and all of its accompanying conditions. However, I continue to receive medical attention and take my medication as prescribed. I do however hold out hope that at some point I can become asymptomatic and functional and regain control over my life and my condition, not let it control me and my life.
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